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My Very Public Diary: June 2019

July 1, 2019

I don’t know what this month has in store, but I hope it’s great things.

June 2nd

I am boiling with both embarrassment and anger (not full-on anger, but “madness” didn’t seem like the right word). PKs (pastors’ kids) have a certain reputation, shall you say. Well, I’m a PGK (pastor’s grand kid), and it’s not fun or easy sometimes. Today is one of those days. I was already not the happiest because of work yesterday, especially having to close, and being woken up at 6 something this morning to someone loudly singing “Old Town Road.” Fast forward to church service. I had a wedgy, and I had to pee. As any normal person would, I took care of that situation after the first song was done. Bad timing. My church recognizes birthdays and anniversaries at the start of every month, and that was happening while I was peeing. Well, while I was away, the pastor/my grandfather called me out. Then, I returned from my peeing excursion and was called out again. I’m pissed. Then I started crying, even though I tried my absolute hardest to keep it in. At first, I was crying out of sheer embarrassment and anger (I’m an angry crier). Then I started crying again because being called out twice in front of a congregation where only about 25% of the people actually know who I am brought back every bad memory from my childhood around my birthday. It’s already hard enough keeping the sorrow from all the bad birthdays at bay, but being called out like that brought all the bad memories in like a flood. All I was trying to do was pee.

June 9th

I’M UNCOMFORTABLE!! I’m at work right now (currently on break as I type this). A customer pronounced my name correctly, and I told him he was correct. Then he proceeds to ask if I’m Muslim, and I tell him I’m only African-American. Then he looks me up and down and says, “Well, you’re beautiful, that’s for sure. Make an old man wish he was back in his younger days.” Again, I’M UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!!

June 17th

I’ve accepted the fact that I will forever be awkward at family functions, especially if some of the attention is on me.

June 20th

This genuinely has nothing to do with me, but I’m super excited. Admiral Schofield was drafted to the Philadelphia 76ers, and I couldn’t be happier. His draft was the only draft I was looking forward to.

Update: I found out he got traded to the Washington Wizards, but I’m still proud.

June 23rd

I got assigned to the cash register away from everyone today. They updated the music and had it a little bit louder than normal, so I ended up dancing and lip syncing a lot. Quite a few customers caught me, and some even decided to comment on it; it was kinda embarrassing. Also, completely random side note (like extremely random): I watched the first episode of Euphoria last night and wasn’t impressed. After watching, I read the articles about the amount of sex and nudity and even the scene where they actually show a penis (sorry if you don’t like that word; I know some people are put off by it). Even with all that, I wasn’t put off or anything. I just found the show kind of boring; I kept checking the time to see when it would be over. The best thing about it is Zendaya’s acting; it goes to show how amazing and well rounded of an actress she is, but her solely being great isn’t enough for me to keep watching. Everything has to work together, and it just didn’t for me. I can easily watch Zendaya’s greatness in another movie, like the new Spider-Man movie coming out.

June 30th

I just ran into a relative I haven’t seen in years, and I feel weird about it. I wasn’t wearing my glasses (for reasons you will soon find out about), so it took me a minute to figure out who it was. Then I was just extremely awkward. I wasn’t sure what kind of conversation to make/have since it was so brief. I have a gut wrenching feeling I sounded super conceited, and I genuinely didn’t mean to. I can’t even remember if I asked her how she was doing, and it’s killing me. I miss her so much, and I just feel really weird about the exchange.

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