My Very Public Diary

My Very Public Diary: July 2019

August 1, 2019

I have high hopes for low embarrassment in July. Fingers crossed I’m right.

July 5th

Fortunately, this isn’t anything embarrassing or another tale of me being awkward. It’s actually really great news that I’m so excited about and have been eagerly wanting to share. I got my first external scholarship!!! Woo hoooo!!! Paying for college isn’t easy, so getting an external scholarship made my entire day, especially since I didn’t win the 100s of others I’d applied for.

July 9th

Definitely shed some tears at work because one of my favorite coworkers put in her two weeks notice.

July 13th

I opened this morning (at 6 am !!), and within about twenty minutes of us opening, a man put his credit card in the slot where the dollar bills go at self checkout. I was the one monitoring self checkout, and I felt the second hand embarrassment; it was a really awkward situation, especially since while we waited for someone to get his card out, he struggled to pronounce my name.

July 16th

A customer caught me dancing today, and it was kind of embarrassing; I was in full-on dancing Jamilah mode. The customer decided to comment on it by saying, “Nice dancing. Keep it up. It looked really good.” Then we went through the whole transaction, and since I was watching self-checkout, the transaction only consisted of me watching the guy struggle to use our ancient self-checkout technology. Before he left, the customer said, “Have a blessed day. Keep on dancing.” I am a crap dancer.

July 23rd

I’m freaking out right now. I’m at Black Church Week, and I just got back from the annual Women’s Banquet. The speaker told everyone over the age of fifty to stand up, which was everyone at my table. Those who were left sitting had to pray for those who were standing. Being twenty, I had to say a prayer for all the women over fifty at my table. I WAS PUT ON THE SPOT. Everyone looked at me expectantly, and I started freaking out because I’m not good at praying in public. After I finished praying, I looked up, and everyone was looking at me. I don’t know if I was loud enough. I don’t know if it was good enough. A ton of thoughts ran through my head, and I felt insecure and uncomfortable. It wasn’t until the banquet was over that people started saying it was a good prayer. I still felt uncomfortable about it.

July 25th

AAAAAAHHHH!!! I’m so bad at small talk. I didn’t know something as simple as small talk was difficult, but I’ve butchered it twice. It’s barely 1 pm. The first time was at a coffee shop where I slowly backed away, and the second time was with the teacher of the session I took today. It was just… it was awkward man.

July 27th

I’ve always been insecure about getting measured for a bra, but I know I needed it. Well today, I finally got measured, and the actual measuring wasn’t as bad as I thought. However, afterwards, my grandmother called me out for my new armpit hair growth. I shaved a couple of days ago, but it started growing back; it’s not at a length where I can’t shave it without cutting myself. Again, can we normalize women growing hair in places beside their heads? Anyway, I found out I wear a size 34b. #ittybittytittycommittee

Update: I was about to go to bed, and my grandmother shaved my armpits. She cut me (as I predicted), and now I am bleeding under my arm.


Featured image credit: Nick Pampoukidis

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