My Very Public Diary: February 2020

February 29, 2020

Even with the extra day, this is still the shortest month of the year. That means minimal embarrassment and interaction, right?

February 6th:

My paranoia has been through the roof these past couple of days. When the woman braided my hair, she said a few might come out because my hair is super short. Four braids have fallen out in the past week and a half, and I haven’t had the braids for a month yet. I know she warned me, and the four braids that have fallen out fell out in my room; however, I’m worried that one day a braid will fall out when I’m walking around campus or speaking in class or something. I am constantly checking over my shoulder.

February 10th:

I (loudly) got called out in class today because I unfollowed someone on Instagram. It was incredibly stupid, and to feel less embarrassed, I made up a stupid excuse and followed her back. However, the second she graduates at the end of the year, I am unfollowing her again. She’s not one of my favorite people I’ve met in college.

February 12th:

I am such an uncomfortably awkward bean. Like, wow. I already hate gift-giving (that’s a weird sentence; I love giving, but I always get anxious about whether I got the right gift and the reaction and ahhhh). Anyway, I just showed up to my friends place of work and anxiously and awkwardly gave her a gift for her birthday. Now my heart rate is through the roof, and I am questioning my life choices and trying to figure out why I am such an incredibly awkward individual.
I hate when I get like this.

A few hours later…

Now I feel awkward for an entirely different reason. I sent a snapchat to one of my guy friends talking about my event/problem with a boy; my friend opened it and didn’t respond. I feel awkward and guilty all over, and now I regret sending it in the first place. This is why I don’t have many guy friends; aaaahhhhhh, I feel weird.

February 17th:

I guess I decided to be a clumsy colorful mess today. My shirt is super colorful and flowy, and I love it. However, it brings unwanted attention and doesn’t help my clumsy situation. First, I spilled half of my “thick & zesty mushroom & turkey” soup. Then, as I tried to fix the situation, I dropped the top to the soup container in the soup and struggled to get it back on the container. It was not a beautiful picture, and I am slightly embarrassed. Only slightly.

February 19th:

Today, I risked it for the biscuit and wore a dress without shaving my legs; the hair isn’t too long, but it’s also been three weeks since I last shaved my legs. I was super insecure the entire day, but at least I risked it.

February 24th:

It’s one minute until 7 am, and I’m coming off the “high” of pulling an all-nighter. In the midst of this all-nighter, I had to run across the street to print something off. As soon as I walked in, I ran into my teacher and had an awkward conversation about me being there super early, especially to do a favor for someone. Mind you, I’m wearing my pajamas, house slippers, and there is dry drool all along the right side of my face. 🙃

February 26th:

Picture this:
I’m walking out of work. As I’m leaving, I awkwardly peek into an office because I wanted to talk to one person. There ended up being three people in the office, and I awkwardly said goodbye to all of them. Then I awkwardly said goodbye to the two girls at the front desk who witnessed me struggle to get my umbrella out of the side pocket on my backpack. Also as I was leaving, I was told by a couple of people to “get my life together.” I continue to walk out of the building, and halfway to my destination, I realize my backpack causes my dress to ride up as I walk and exposes even more of the hair on the back of my leg that I forgot to shave.

February 27th:

It’s not even noon yet, and I’ve learned a major lesson: Do not sit in the seating area outside of the elevator in the student center. As an already socially awkward person, it makes for some super awkward small talk that has you cringing internally and constantly replays in your brain.

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