To My Small Crush:
I tend to develop small crushes based on first impressions. Compared to past minor crushes, you had the greatest first impression; my mind can’t seem to forget it.
Despite the quarantine and not seeing you in two months, I still think about you. There’s something about you that’s so great, and I really connected with some of the things you said when we were in a group setting.
Will this be long lasting? Will this work out? Not to be a negative Nancy, but we’ve only been in the same room three times and have only had two small conversations. My crushes die pretty hard when A) I get to know someone and realize our personalities don’t vibe the way I initially thought or B) I never get to know the person and… it’s just a lost cause type of situation.
I wonder what will happen.
You followed me on Instagram, and I thought there was hope… until I realized you follow a lot of people on Instagram. Then I started to feel insecure.
Fun fact: you’re the reason I don’t say much in the group chat. I can envision you hardcore judging me and expressing utter disgust when you read something I put in the group chat. Therefore, I’ve made myself the peeker; I read everyone’s messages and never give input.
After seeing you invite everyone in the group to hang out without me, the idea of you being disgusted with me grew. I felt like you don’t like me, which somehow didn’t obliterate my crush on you.
I just want to get to know you, and maybe that could eventually lead to a friendship? Maybe this small crush will die, and I won’t feel so nervous and awkward around you anymore.
Since we don’t really know each other, I can’t help but think you’ll forget about me, especially with the quarantine and us graduating at different times.
Gosh, I hate having crushes because they never work out for me.
Whether this works out or not, I still feel relieved. My bottled up feelings about you are out there; this was like a lovestruck therapy session.
-Jamilah
