My Very Public Diary: April 2020

April 30, 2020

I’m literally spending the entire month in the house. If I experience any sort of embarrassing or awkward moment, it would be over Zoom.

April 1st:

Today I learned that favoritism and sexism still exist when classes move online, and it’s taking everything in me not to cry right now. I was a clown for thinking my teacher would be nicer since we moved online. I can’t wait for this semester to end; I am seriously counting down the days until finals week is over.

April 8th:

I would like to blame Zoom technical difficulties for why I just embarrassed myself in front of an invited guest for my graphic design class. Zoom shut down on me out of nowhere, and by the time I was logged into a new device, it was my turn to present. I still didn’t have everything together and was just overall a hot mess. There was silence at the end of my presentation, and I literally said “I’m not ending with ‘Amen’ again, so that’s it.” It was really bad, but fortunately, the guest critic was really nice and helpful.

April 9th

I was watching Parasite with my grandfather and was quoting the movie and said a curse word. The sad thing is the word I said wasn’t related to what I was trying to quote. To many, this isn’t a big deal, but I never say cuss words in front of my family. Well, I at least try not to. Sometimes they slip, and I try to cover it up. However, there was no covering up the fact that I said the word “fucking” because I freaked out afterwards. I got really scared, and I don’t know why. I think my grandfather brushed it off, but my guilty conscious is eating me alive.

April 15th:

So, my teacher asked everyone to turn their cameras on if they are able. I am able; therefore, I turned my camera on. There is a post-it note covering my camera, however, because… the government. My teacher, after saying my name wrong for the second time today, decided to call me out and tell me to turn my camera off because he didn’t want to look at a red screen. *shrugs* I was just being an obedient student.
I still don’t know which one is worse: online school or going into an actual classroom? Maybe it’s just the class in general…

April 27th:

I just followed an ex-fling on Instagram. *insert upside down smiley face* Someone please take my phone from me.

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