To My Dysfunctional Work Family

To My Dysfunctional Work Family:

It’s been almost two months of this job, and I am quickly becoming annoyed. There are some members of this family that I absolutely adore and am happy I have in my life. There are others… well, not so much.

Nosey Nancy, keep your ears to yourself. You shouldn’t have talked to our supervisor about me taking bereavement time off without consent, without me present. What happens in my life isn’t any of your business, especially since the topic of conversation didn’t start with you. Also, you’re incredibly attention seeking. If the topic of conversation isn’t on you or something you can contribute to, you completely shift it into something else. You’re opinion is completely unnecessary, especially if no one asked for it. Lastly, please stop trying to relate to being Black; you’re literally not.

Mr. Rando, you’re an interesting human. Sometimes it’s easy to talk to you, but most of the time, you start calling out the products we’re stocking. “Satori!” “Lumens!” I initially start with being incredibly annoyed, but that turns into concern for the elderly and wondering how old you are. Also, I do not recommend being one of the many men to try to tell me what to do with my life; that doesn’t blow over well with me.

Lazy Blue, do you have multiple of the same shirt? Or do you just wear the same shirt over and over again? Also, you can’t complain about people leaving the family and all the work that has to be done but not do the work?! That’s not how it works. We all have to put in work, including you. Un-attach from yourself from your cart.

The Teacher, you’re a really dope individual. Super wise. I wish you didn’t have to leave.

Mansplainer, there’s so much to say. The job isn’t hard, at all; there’s no reason for you to constantly mansplain how I should do every single thing. I am not an idiot, and nothing irks my soul more than people singling me out and talking to me like I’m stupid. Also, I am a lot stronger than you think I am, hence why I am able to lift more than what I’ve ever seen you lift. Stop questioning if I’ve got it or if I can handle it; I would not take the job if I could not handle it. Please stop talking to me.

Scary Superiors, you make the job a challenge. There’s the chill supervisor who only acknowledges my existence when my hair is an afro because it makes me look like I belong in the 70s. There’s the supervisor who is leaving and acts like a different person every shift. Then there’s the assistant manager who refuses time off like it’s nobody’s business and is probably why the job has such a high turnover rate.

Man Child, you’re not who I thought you were. I thought we were getting along well as acquaintances, but after hearing your little outburst over a palette jack… I don’t know how I feel. Things are awkward now, and I kind of wish you would stop talking to me.

Repeater, you’re really kind; you were the most welcoming individual when I started. I have no complaints; sometimes, I even enjoy listening to you repeat the same stories every shift.

The Parents, you’re the best married couple out there, a true symbol of opposites attract. You’re both the best people to work with.

G Herbo Stan, why would you be proud to be racist against your own race? There is a reason I do not respond when you greet me, nor do I entertain your attempt at debating random topics to get a rise out of people. I don’t enjoy purposely pissing people off, and I don’t enjoy being around people who find joy in purposely pissing people off.

Mother Hen, you’re doing great at balancing it all; although, I do think you should take a little bit of time for yourself. Though we have different political views, I enjoy your company.

Wow. It feels good airing this all out. Keeping this in was giving me major RBF, and now it feels like there’s a small weight lifted off my shoulders.

People come and go for a reason, and I hope my time in this weird, very dysfunctional family is short-lived.


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