Quality Time

LOVE LANGUAGE #1

Quality time: “People whose love language is quality time feel the most adored when their partner actively wants to spend time with them and is always down to hang out. They particularly love when active listening, eye contact, and full presence are prioritized hallmarks in the relationship,” writes Julie Nguyen, a contributor at mbg (mindbodygreen).

The older I get, the more I love and focus on people who look me in my eyes and show signs of actively listening. It makes spending time with them more enjoyable and more memorable.

Receiving

Quality time is my number one love language when it comes to receiving.

It’s one thing to hear someone say they love you and care about you and think you’re great, but when literally anyone wants to hang out with me, my heart is overwhelmed with happiness. I feel loved and valued and wanted, feelings that I’m quickly learning are so rare for me to feel and recognize.

There’s a special kind of joy that settles in my bones when someone expresses how much they like hanging out with me, and you know it’s good quality time when you’re incredibly engrossed in your company and don’t pay attention to the actual time.

The minute someone suggests doing something, I am quick to make arrangements and plan something to make it happen.

However, with receiving quality time, I need to calm down with being so quick to jump the gun and appear desperate.

It was when I canceled a much-needed therapy session to hang out with someone that I realized I need to work on my relationship with quality time.

Giving

Currently, I’m working through feeling guilty about always wanting to hang out with someone and have people around. I have a sleeper sofa, a few card games, and bought three cartons of ice cream when I initially moved in with the anticipation of consistently having groups of friends over, but that hasn’t happened and probably never will during my time in Tennessee.

I get so awkward about making plans with people and immediately prepare myself for rejection. I’m very quick to say “you don’t have to if you don’t want to” after asking someone if they want to do something.

To further the desperation, I have a whole list of things I want to do with all the different people in my life, but I use my lack of being good at digital communication as an excuse to not ask people to bowl or play mini golf or walk around the park with me.


One day, I hope to have a good balance between quality time with others and quality time with myself, because that’s just as important. Plus, I’ve learned that there is a fine line between casually hanging out with someone for the sake of quality time and casually hanging out with someone to steadily invest in a relationship.

about the author

Jamilah is a college graduate in her early twenties who wants to live and learn and love herself while fighting the anxiety fight.

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