I KINDA WANNA GIVE UP

This is the most spontaneous blog post I’ve written (thus far), and it may be gibberish.

I’m a small YouTuber (main channel: It’s Milah, vlog channel: More Milah). I love making videos, and I know quality is waaaay more important than quantity; however, I can’t help thinking about it sometimes. I know the quality of my videos aren’t nearly as great as Bethany Mota’s, but I’m slowly improving and trying my best. I just bought a Canon and am still learning how to use it. I don’t use iMovie nor Final Cut Pro because the only Apple product I have is my iPod, which I believe they are going to stop upgrading/making newer versions of.

One day recently, I lost two subscribers, and it kind of hurt my heart. I was hoping to reach 400 subscribers by now, but that hasn’t happened yet. Honestly, I was starting to have doubts about ever reaching that number. I used to have this big goal of reaching one million subscribers. Then I changed it to one hundred thousand. Then I changed it back to one million. Now I’m contemplating changing my goal to one thousand. I don’t want to reach these numbers for the money; I honestly don’t care about that.

I’m in college now. I don’t know what’s going to happen to my channel, and I’m kind of scared. Lately, I have been heavily contemplating deleting my channel and completely giving up. As of right now, I’m not, but it’s been on my mind. YouTube makes me happy, and getting spammed comments instead of conversation starters makes me feel disconnected from my Internet family (aka my subscribers).

I tried collabing with someone in July, but she never uploaded her video. I tried to do a fun Q&A but not many questions were asked. I tried to do a very personal and cool giveaway, but only one person entered and has yet to message me back to receive her prize. Moments like these, plus losing subscribers, make me want to give up.

The quality of anything is way more important than quantity, but sometimes I can’t help thinking about the standstill of my channel. As of right now, I’m not quitting, but I’m also not going to create the popular content to get a bunch of views and increase my numbers and stuff.

I’m just going to keep creating the videos I like to make and continue to be me, and I will continue to hope for the best.

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