My Very Public Diary

My Very Public Diary: November 2018

December 1, 2018

It’s November 20th when I’m writing this, and the worst thing just happened. I was trying to move around a gif I inserted; that wasn’t working out because WordPress spazzed, so I decided to delete the gif. When I deleted the gif, everything I had written was also deleted. Again, WordPress spazzed. All of the previous MVPD sessions I had are gone, and they were really good. I don’t know how to get them back, so we’re just going to keep going, even though this will be really short and not as fulfilling as it would have been before everything was deleted (thank you glitch).

This happening is literally a testament to how my November has been going so far, which is not great at all.

Anyway, let’s get into whatever I have left:

Nov. 20th
These MVPD sessions are becoming less about my embarrassing/awkward moments and more about me venting whatever intense emotion I have that lasts more than a moment; maybe I haven’t embarrassed myself that much lately, which is considered a good thing. Anyway, I just had a feeling of accomplished self-growth (before the deleting everything happened), if that’s even a thing. I just got out of my last class before Thanksgiving break and decided to check my YouTube analytics because of an email I got. When I checked my analytics, I noticed I got a dislike on a couple of my most recent videos. In the past, I would have started to doubt myself and probably would have had a mini mental breakdown. However, I don’t care, which is where the accomplished self-growth feeling comes in. Me genuinely not caring is a sign of self-growth because I would not have had this reaction in the past. I’m actually smiling right now, despite everything being deleted. Someone subscribing to solely give my videos a dislike doesn’t bother me at all. I’m actually kind of happy.

Nov. 22nd
Today is American Thanksgiving, and it is definitely a Thanksgiving to remember because I made a fool of myself… twice.
1. When the first car arrived, I didn’t recognize the first person to get out of the car, so I refused to answer the door. I’m not going to say I was scared, but you just never know; people are crazy. A relative I’ve been staying with went to check the front door after he put the sweet potatoes in the oven, and they were the kind of sweet potatoes with the marshmallows on top. When he came back, he got distracted with catching up with the people who ended up being more relatives I never met. Well, the marshmallows caught on fire, like, full flame fire, and I got blamed for it. The sweet potatoes were fine, but the burnt marshmallows had to be scraped off. They won’t let me live that down.
2. Sometime after the sweet potato fiasco, I went Black Friday shopping with two other relatives; it was my first time partaking in the Black Friday festivities, even though it’s only Thursday. We went to JCPenney since they opened at 2 pm, and the line was wrapped around the building. When we finally got inside, a news anchor from our local news station approached my two relatives about getting interviewed. Neither one of them wanted to do it, so I volunteered to do it. I didn’t know what to say, so I laughed eighty percent of the time and talked with my hands. It was incredibly awkward, and I genuinely hope no one I go to school with and no one I work with saw it. I watched it on my phone and screen recorded the small part of my horrible interview they could use. For some reason, the audio didn’t record with the video, but enjoy the awkwardness that is me:

[wpvideo BY8DBHlJ]

Nov. 26th
I’m sure I’ve stated it before, but I don’t do well in awkward situations. I just got back from a banquet, and it was nothing but awkward. Someone I used to be friends with (and didn’t end on a good note with) was someone else’s plus one, and they sat behind me. I was semi-uncomfortable and made awkward conversation with the people around me (and by awkward conversation, I mean I laughed at things that weren’t even funny). My entire body started shaking at certain moments, and I didn’t know if I wanted to throw up or cry. It was such a weird, uncomfortable feeling; I think we both felt the awkward tension.

Nov. 28th
It’s 12:52 am, so it’s technically Thursday; I’m still going to write like it’s Wednesday because I’m currently pulling an all-nighter, and it feels like it’s still Wednesday. Anyway, today was a crazy day for three reasons:
1. I felt like absolute crap this morning and didn’t make it to my studio class (it was a work day anyway; I have two teachers, and one teacher said there was no reason for us to show up). The one day I don’t make it to class, the other teacher sends us an email about still showing up to his part of the class, and our lack of attendance impacts our final grade. I have never hated and loved a program so much.
2. Tonight I volunteered with the people in one of the organizations I’m in, and we went to help assemble and pack boxes to send out to children around the world; I hope that makes sense. We were pretty much stationed at an assembly line. My job was to inspect the boxes being sent to the children because there are some items that can’t go in the boxes, such as bubbles, food, stuff like that. Anything that couldn’t go in the box went in a white bucket underneath the table. Well, there was a pretty rude, lurky (I know that’s not a word, but let’s act like it is) worker who kept kind of watching over my shoulder, looking at what I would do. When I put something in the bucket that didn’t need to go in there, he felt the need to strictly show me how it was done; it was almost like a parent lecturing a child for something kind of stupid, and it was annoying. However, he seemed to only do it to my side of the table; he didn’t do it to the girl on the other side. Also, anytime he reached down and accidentally touched me, whether it be with the bucket or his hand, he never said “excuse me” or “sorry.” I started getting really perturbed that I started talking to another volunteer about him and didn’t know how to do so without making it obvious, so I started referring to him as pizza and used pizza references as symbolism to talk about him …if that makes sense.
3. We carpooled on the way to and from the warehouse where we packed boxes. There was a wreck on the road, and let’s just say the driver of the car listened to the person in the passenger seat; long story short, we almost died on a mountain at 11 pm at night. I’m thinking about doing a storytime on it soon because the whole night was super insane.

Nov. 29th
There’s a feeling deep inside me that’s been festering since last night, and I don’t know if it’s hurt or aggravation or what. Maybe I’m having another friend questioning moment. You see, one of the friends I made on campus agreed to see a movie with me. Well, when the day came for us to see it, she forgot, and we agreed to reschedule a day to watch it because we wanted to watch it together. Last night, I found out she went and watched it without me, and she said she forgot that she agreed to see it with me. Initially, I was pretty hurt, and now I’m just questioning some things. You know? What reaction would you have in this situation? Would you start questioning your friendship or not think much of it and move on?

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