To the Boy I Thought Would Be My Forever

To the Boy I Thought Would Be My Forever:

Honestly, I don’t know how to start this off.

One of the greatest memories I have of the time we shared was a conversation about who was better: Jimmy Fallon or Jimmy Kimmel. You were team Kimmel, and I was team Fallon. We became super defensive and argumentative over the most trivial thing. Now, I have appreciation for both Jimmys and everyone else in the late night business.

Everything was good between us. At least, I thought it was.

You had this weird stoic, brooding, reserved nature, like the basic “bad boys” you read about in Wattpad books, and eventually, I realized I couldn’t hang around someone who was just as closed off and reserved as me.

I believed you for one hot second when you said we were best friends (and I thought you were my forever). Then I found a disconnect and forever ended immediately.

It all went downhill when I found out I was just a psychology experiment. Fun fact: those sort of statements crush a teenage girl’s feelings.

A little over a year later when I was about to unfriend you on Snapchat, I found myself thinking back to our time as friends and having a moment of reflection.

I hate that I gave an ounce of myself to you.

You were never there when I needed you, yet you always wanted me to wait around for you at your convenience. I can’t believe it took me a long time to realize you were holding me back. I remember how hard you tried to figure out a way for us to share an apartment and/or life when it came time for college, and I didn’t want any of it.

Even when I tried to get away from you and ended our friendship, you still claimed that we were best friends. I feel like there should be some sort of mutual agreement when the title “best friend” is thrown around.

I’m not your best friend, and you’re definitely not mine.

Minus an occasional like on Instagram from your end, you’re not in my life.

I must admit: I occasionally missed looking into your non-dark brown eyes. Then, I found someone who showed me how beautiful dark brown eyes are.

Here I was thinking you would be my forever. Now, I’m finally, officially saying goodbye.

-Jamilah


Featured image credit: Kate Macate

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