To My [Future] Husband

originally written: September 30, 2018
revamped: February 9, 2022


I love you.

I am more than lucky that you chose me. You decided you want to conquer this thing called life with me, and “excited” isn’t a grand enough word to describe how I feel about this journey we’re going on.

When I’m writing this, I have no idea who you are. I don’t know if I haven’t met you yet or if you’re already in my life & it hasn’t been revealed to either of us yet. I can’t wait to find out who you are and share the rest of my life with you, every up and down.

I feel like this is going to be a warning letter mixed with a bunch of thank yous for stuff I hope you did… or will do. Goodness, I hope all of this makes sense.

To start, I have questions. How did we get here? Did I accidentally belch in your face? I hope not. Did I accidentally take your cart at Target? If so, sorry (again). Also, why me? I was kind of preparing to become the crazy lady with twelve dogs because the right guys didn’t show interest in me. Of course, there were guys who asked for my number and used cheesy tactics to try to get in my pants, but we both know none of them were the right guy. You are. Being the amazing soul you are, I can’t help but wonder why me? I am extremely weird, slightly insane, and definitely crazy; it’s up to you to decide if it’s a good crazy or a bad crazy, so again I’ll ask: why me? When did you realize I was The One? I’m not complaining or anything because you are the most perfect person for me, and I freaking love you; I’m just curious.

Congrats! You survived my mood swings and intense cravings and decided you still want to be with me. By the way, thank you for giving in and cooking alfredo every time I craved it. I’m glad you could look beyond my makeup-less face to discover the gem you married. Thank you for being there for me when I battle my insecurities, including every time I point out an exposed pimple or think I gained twenty pounds when I skip one workout; you make me feel more beautiful than I already believe I am, even when I’m too lazy to shave. We all know I am one of the clumsiest people to exist; I love how you catch me when I fall without a single scowl or glare or any harsh judgment and sign of anger and embarrassment. You accept all of me for who I am, and instead of forcing me to change, you join me on my journey of growth; it makes me fall in love with you over and over again every single day.

You stayed by my side despite me working through my trust & communication issues. Trust is another huge thing in working relationships, and since you made it this far, that means I have complete trust in you. Please don’t break it, and please trust me too; I will try to never let you down.

Communication is a huge part of making relationships work, and I’m sure you know by now how horrible I am at texting, especially when it comes to initiating conversation. If I overcome this issue by the time we’re hitched, then great! If not, just know I’m working on it, but it takes time for me to do pretty much anything.

You’re stuck with me and my quirks until we expire; you know how much divorce messed me up. You’re stuck with the overly emotional being who seems to cry every single day. Like, I cried when the tarantula living outside my window at my college dorm died. His name was Jeffrey by the way; I would’ve had a funeral for him if I knew where he was.

I’m already praying for you. Since we’ll be sharing a bed together, hopefully a comfortable one, I just want to remind you that I am human– I fart and belch like everyone else; mine just might be more obnoxious, especially at night. I’m apologizing in advance. Speaking of sharing a bed and farts, I am sorry for what I say and do while I’m on my period. It’s not you, it’s me, and sometimes things get a little crazy. Again, I’m praying for you.

Ever since I was in middle school, I constantly daydreamed about what our life would be like together. I don’t have to wonder anymore. We’re married now, which means snuggles every night, even when we’re mad at each other.  A day can’t go by without expressing our love for each other, even if we’re on the worst rollercoaster or dealing with a mega-storm. Marriage takes commitment and work, and you have to promise to never give up. This is a promise you can never break. I get to share even more of myself with you, and I will never give you up. You mean too much to me for me to let you go.

In case you haven’t heard me say it enough, I love your smile. I’m obsessed with your eyes. I can’t help but laugh every time I hear your laugh. Everything about the interior & exterior of your being is my favorite thing. There’s truly no one like you.

You are it for me. You’re my person. There’s no one more perfect for me than you. I thank God every single day He brought you to me.

I love you.

about the author

Jamilah is a college graduate in her early twenties who wants to live and learn and love herself while fighting the anxiety fight.

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