To be honest, I was numb this day. I tried my best to focus on the day I had ahead of me, but all I could think about was Uvalde, Texas and the overwhelming fear & heartbreak everyone is feeling.

This is me faking it until I make it.

3 am – alarm goes off

• Worked the night before at my second job so I gave myself ten more minutes of sleep

3:18 am – finally get out of bed

• Lol, does it look like I got any good sleep? Enough sleep?
• Threw everything down when I got home the night before so I had to take some time to put it all up

3:30 am – exercise time

• Currently finishing a month of growwithjo

3:42 am – take iron pill

• Started doing this at the beginning of the month to help with my iron deficiency; thought it was about time I start taking small strides towards improving my physical health

3:45 am – Jemele Hill & get ready

• Listen to an episode of Jemele Hill is Unbothered every morning while getting ready
• Outfit details (excluding uniform shirt):
  • Bandanna: Walmart
  • Bandanna pants: Rue 21

4:12 am – pack bag for day

• In my bag:
  • Black notepad with to do list for the day
  • Mini notebook for notes/ideas
  • My favorite cheap Bic pens
  • White secondhand sandals for afterwork
  • Black blazer from Forever 21 for afterwork (didn’t work out well)
  • Leftovers for lunch
  • Fictional book
  • Strawberry Banana Body Armor (the superior flavor)
  • 32 ounces of water in my “MALE TEARS” water bottle (made by my friend when I was sad about many men)

4:17 am – another alarm goes off

• This alarm tells me I need to run out the door.

4:23 am – actually leave for work

4:47 am – arrive at work

• Scarfed down homemade white chocolate macadamia nut cookies

5 am to 2 pm – work shift

• Put my jacket on top of the lockers & screwed up my jacket
• A woman came up to me and said “you’re exactly who I was looking for,” which scared the crap out of me, to give me her many business cards.
• Realized the economy is falling apart and people with poor attendance are on the cusp of losing their jobs
• Left work feeling like my best wasn’t good enough, considering I was put on a project the day before the deadline and had to undo two previous days worth of work. Then I felt frustrated with the way everything worked out before ultimately feeling like I’ve disappointed my boss.
• Spontaneously decided to get a Baconator when I left so I would feel better (it worked!)

3:01 pm – arrive at therapy

• Always sit in my car and take a small nap under the trees

4:15 pm – therapy

• Got fruit snacks to celebrate our one year anniversary, lol
• Talked about control, which is my word of the year

6:02 pm – return home

• Stood outside and watched my neighbors’ dogs tease each other while my neighbors and I made small talk and they smoked/vaped
  • Found out a group of four college boys moved into the apartment next door to my office

6:56 pm – make pasta

• Took the edge off with a little bit of White Chocolate Strawberry Cream Moonshine while the pasta cooked

7:17 pm – eat pasta & watch YouTube

7:35 pm – get a little work done

• Printed an outline for something I’ve been working on, wrote lists, planned my Thursday out (tentatively, of course)

8:13 pm – shower

• Switched to night showering because it takes a little longer to get to work in the morning so some things had to be rearranged

8:25 pm – journal time

8:32 pm – sleep!

• Inspired by my Honorary Momma to start sleeping with a fan on; that combined with holding something gives me the BEST sleep
• Set my alarm to 3 am
• Made it to bed 45 minutes earlier than normal (woot woot!)