Acts of Service

LOVE LANGUAGE #4

Acts of Service: “If your love language is acts of service, you value when your partner goes out of their way to make your life easier. It’s things like bringing you soup when you’re sick, making your coffee for you in the morning, or picking up your dry cleaning for you when you’ve had a busy day at work,” writes Julie Nguyen, a contributor at mbg (mindbodygreen).

Where someone would find these romantic, I would more than likely look at anyone who does the aforementioned like I was completely confused… because I would be.

The only time I fawn over an act of service is when someone puts the dishes away, and the dishes are actually clean. Even then, I would be incredibly particular about where and how the dishes are placed.

Receiving

My response to acts of service is about the same as gift giving. I feel very awkward and sort of pitied, and to prove my strength, I try to do something in return.

Unfortunately, I take someone doing an act of service as someone thinking I’m helpless. I know that’s such a messed up way to think, but my brain automatically goes that route; I’m working on a detour to make the positive reaction my immediate response.

However, the Miss Independent part of me takes over, and I get decently defensive when people surprise me by doing nice things. I do my best to show my appreciation, no mater how cringeworthy it looks.

My initial reaction to acts of service definitely stems from negative treatment in past relationships and my childhood in general.

Now, if I ask you to do something and you do it when I ask, my heart melts with love. It’s the surprise actions that have me on the defense.

Giving

Considering how much I go out of my way to do things for other people, you’d think this would be one of my top love languages to give.

However, as time has passed, especially this past year, I’ve come to realize how little time I spend on bettering myself and making myself happy. I started showing love using other love languages, like simple physical touch, and started focusing on using the acts of service time I spent on others to spend on myself.

Shout out to nine months of loneliness and spending my weeknights without socializing for helping me realize this.


Nowadays, acts of service I perform for others are acts of kindness. If random acts of kindness are the same as loving acts of service, I guess I show more love through my actions than I thought.

For some reason, this especially comes out during extreme weather conditions.

CUT TO: Jamilah pushing six shopping carts in a parking lot in 100-degree weather to help the cart boy.

about the author

Jamilah is a college graduate in her early twenties who wants to live and learn and love herself while fighting the anxiety fight.

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