Yes, I know I’m only twenty-three and have plenty of time to meet the person I’m meant to spend forever with and will probably mentally change this list over time.
However, witnessing my two friends get married (him tearing up at the site of her is implanted in my brain and continuously touches my heart) made me think seriously about what I need in someone I will spend the rest of my life with.
Then I watched this video by Bria Jones and said “Yep, we’re writing a list.”
Don’t squash a girl’s dream.
Honestly, I can’t remember if I wrote something like this previously, and if I have, I’m feeling a little too lazy to see if I deleted it.
Without further ado, this is everything a young twenty-something Jamilah is looking for in the person she hopes to spend the rest of her life with:
The best version of the opposite of me, whether that be extremely loud and the life of the party or quite reserved and introverted. I consider myself a quiet extrovert. I will strike up a conversation with anyone who gives off genuinely good vibes, but I would like to think I’m not so loud and vocal about it. Of course… there’s my loud belly laugh. Anyway, we all know the saying: Opposites Attract. I try to be a decently well-rounded person in certain areas of my life, but I’m so down to fall in love with someone who is the polar opposite of me (it’s okay if you like chicken and hate pasta, lol). After all, my favorite book trope is city girl meets country boy.
Speaking of liking chicken and hating pasta, a food palette opposite or more varied than mine is a necessity. Besides my well-known dislike for the aforementioned poultry, there are random things I am picky and stubborn about when it comes to food. Like, I only like oranges in juice form, and it’s easier for me to eat green apples compared to red apples. However, I will cook and will learn to cook whatever your stomach desires.
Though opposites attract, we need to have some sort of agreement or respect on everything that’s important. There needs to be an alignment on our values, beliefs, and morals. Personally, I don’t care if you join me at church, but I do care if you completely diss my belief or diss the cause I am joining protests for (don’t know if that sentence was English, but hopefully you get my point).
Handles my stubbornness like a champ. Writing this, I can hear my grandpa saying, “Good luck brotha” or “Are you sure?” He’s right in his sentiment. Knowing my genes, I’ll get more annoyingly stubborn with age, so I hope you’re ready. Remember, you signed up for this. My trust issues tried to push you away, but you wanted to win that war.
One of the world’s best communicators, especially in times of disagreement. We need to have the best communication during the worst situations because, if we’re being realistic, it won’t always be rainbows and sunshine. If there’s anything I’ve learned in the first few years of my 20s, it’s that communication is way more important and valuable than I thought. It’s right up there with respect and trust.
Not afraid to feel and be vulnerable. Boys who cry are sexy. Period. Having emotions and not being afraid to show them? I’m. Flustered.
We are each other’s equals. Fifty-fifty. Don’t talk down to me. Don’t treat me like I am incapable or weak. Don’t talk to me like it’s impossible for me to go through life without you. Don’t make important decisions that affect both of us without talking to me. You have no idea just how mentally and emotionally strong I am (no matter how much I cry). Again, I am not weak. This is a partnership, and we must remember that. You are not the CEO, and I am not a peasant; we are both CEOs who continuously build each other up and support each other’s aspirations.
A well of knowledge. All the knowledge about all the things I know absolutely nothing about. I love learning and asking questions and intellectually stimulating conversations.
Tell me I’m beautiful, even if my new weave sucks, and verbally show gratitude because I’m simply existing. Let the simplicity of my presence be enough for you. Let my natural features and body be enough for you. Let every fiber of who I am when we first meet and all the Jamilahs I become as we grow in love together be enough for you.
Can handle open discussions about trauma and death. At this current moment in my life, I am incredibly content with death. I don’t know if it’s because I continuously remind myself that we all have a timeline or my history with suicide, but I am content with dying—I’m not scared of it. That could change once I meet you and realize I don’t want to leave the life I’ve built with you. Still, these are things I love to discuss, and it would be cool if you felt comfortable engaging in those discussions with me.
Always open to talk about race. Whether you’ve experienced my struggles with race or not, sometimes I just need someone who listens and doesn’t pretend to understand the heartache. Don’t undermine my fears and anxieties and trauma with simply being a Black woman.
Accept the stenches. I’m a human… with stomach issues who continues to eat foods that don’t help the stomach issues. Deal with it.
Of course, approved by Every. Friend. It took a lot of hurt, awkwardness, and trust to have the deep bonds with my friends that I have. If anyone knows me, it’s them, and if anyone knows who the right person is for me, it’s them. I know what I think of you is the most important thing, at the end of the day, but I would also love it if they loved you too. I’m already imagining a chill cookout with all of us, including your friends.
Family man and mighty warrior. I want a family. Yes, in this horrid world that gets worse and worse with each year that passes, I want to have a family. I want to have a chance at bringing humans in the world with my DNA and giving them the life and love I’ve never experienced but consistently try to give people at this current moment in time (it’s both a blessing and a curse, depending on the situation).
Literal walking teddy bear. I want all the comfy hugs and cuddles. I need to physically feel reassured, which I kind of discuss in my love language series.
Now that I’ve shared my list, I’m doing as Bria suggested and letting it go.
The right person will come along. I have to trust that. For now, I must focus on myself and, again, let it go.
