Despite my lower-than-anticipated rating of Will Smith’s memoir, Will, the above phrase has remained in my brain since finishing the book some time ago. He used the phrase to describe his first love, Melanie Parker, but when I read it, I immediately thought of myself.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s the Leo moon sign in me or something.
Either way, looking at the mirror and thinking of that phrase has done something good for my self-love journey, and I wanted to dive into it a little bit. Lots of people say I am a genuine person and have a niceness about me (and by “lots of people” I mean mostly strangers I’ve met during my many years in retail), but I think what makes me “genuine” and gives me the “niceness” is that “goofy-gorgeous-genius thing.”
Ninety percent of the time, I promise I don’t try to be funny. People who know me know I’m trying to be funny when the joke doesn’t land. I’m not good at purposely making jokes.
My straightforwardness and unique (to say the least) comparisons are what make me goofy. As one of my coworkers likes to say, there is no filter between my brain and my mouth. Most of what I say could be offensive, but I think the way I say it, especially with a smile, makes people think I’m kidding and creates a laugh. It’s very off the cuff (and often out of pocket, to be honest).
Plus, to entertain myself when I’m put in positions where all I do is stand, I start to dance. I’m not a good dancer. Like, at all. Not even when I play Just Dance, my favorite video game. So in a moment of distraction, when I’m unintentionally showcasing my bad dance moves, people laugh and find it endearing, which I take to mean as goofy.
Sometimes the dance moves turn into old cheerleading moves, and that’s simply a nightmare.
Recently, I’ve been having a couple of good days where I actually like what I see in the mirror. Over the past few months, I didn’t think it was possible.
It’s very weird. Like, my brain is just… bleh. I know I’m a pretty good looking person (I say this with confidence, not misplaced cockiness), but there’s a part of my brain that thinks I can look better, like I haven’t hit my peak with my physical appearance. Comparing myself on social media has nothing to do with the struggle with my image. Voices and taunting from thirteen years of my childhood play on a loop in my brain, and it makes the love I have for my appearance difficult.
I treasure the days where I can celebrate my beauty and physically feel like I’m enough because those days feel like they’re few and far between (I think I used that saying right). This is one of those moments.
With every physical imperfection, I am perfectly gorgeous, in a Jamilah sort of way.
Again, this is said with confidence, not arrogance. I actually get a little uncomfortable talking about my accomplishments, so this is a big step for me.
It marvels the people at work how well I can remember a calendar and dates—but with that, I consistently get people’s names mixed up, now more than ever. Math was one of my better subjects as I was going through school, so much so that I received a couple of plaques for my excellence in math.
Can somebody say neeeerd?!
It gets better. I was the kid who tried to be involved in every academic club that wasn’t HOSA or Criminal Justice-related. In 2017, I was one of seven valedictorians at my high school; I actually ended up speaking at graduation, in front of thousands of people, which isn’t something I talk a lot about anymore. In 2021, when the world was still a puzzle because of a virus, I graduated from university with academic honors (cum laude, to be specific).
Recently, my mind has been flirting with the idea of going back to school because I truly love learning (and also semi-regret the degree I chose). To ease my impulsive thoughts of applying for a local college, I spend a lot of time reading. Because of reading, Google is one of my best friends; I love when authors use big words I don’t know. On top of reading books to learn, I also really enjoy conversations with strangers; I learn a lot from the ones who take the time to have genuine, kind swap-of-knowledge talks with me.
**Forewarning to the disapproving members of my family and any future employers: the following video involves me showing some skin, but it’s for the sake of fashion.**
Just look at this girl and tell me she doesn’t have that Triple G Tee going on.
There’s the matching set to show off the power of a casual suit, a total genius ensemble. The melanin and comfort in one’s own skin, especially with that smile, shows off her gorgeousness. We can’t forget the dance moves and interesting editing; the goofiness has to bring a smile (or mildly concerned look) to your face.
Yeah, I definitely have that “goofy-gorgeous-genius thing” going on too.