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February 2024 Wellness Update

I am going to forewarn that I look all sorts of crusty in this month’s wellness update. Like, there is literally dried drool on the side of my mouth during the footage, and I am not ashamed. Drool means I slept good.

January Recap:

Physically, I was ready for a routine. I was seeking consistency and was tired of feeling weak. Mentally, I was working through growing pains. Emotionally, I felt like I was void of all emotion and was trying to figure out why I started suppressing my tears when I’m known for being an avid crier.

Now for February:

Physically, I just started going to the gym. I’m still working on establishing a solid routine for what I do in the gym because I am currently only utilizing my apartment’s gym. Though, I am flirting with the idea of either joining a gym (not sure if I’m comfortable enough for that) or attending workout classes. My body was HOLLERING; I was so incredibly sore, and I am ready to get back to the strength I once had. I wasn’t on body builder status or anything like that, but I could at least pick up a 20-pound suitcase without having issues.

Mentally, I am still going through growing pains, if it’s even growing pains. I can’t tell if it’s simply adjusting to the new move or being tired of moving and feeling further away from my family. I’ve definitely been in worse funks, but I am so tired of consistently feeling funky. There is an audio loop playing my brain that is telling me I am failing everyone in my life, and they will soon drop me. I am trying to get rid of the thought while also preparing myself for it to happen. This is just the beginning; there’s so much happening in my brain, and it’s causing me to check out of the present.

Emotionally, I cried in January. I watched American Symphony and bawled, which hadn’t happened since watching Barbie. It felt good to cry again, but I still feel like I’m not the emotional mess I once was. Yes, it’s good to change and grow and become less of a mess, but it doesn’t feel good to feel empty when it comes to my emotions.

I didn’t start trying to establish a routine until the end of January because I was sleeping on my friend’s wonderful couch (that couch is top tier comfort). Though this year is a leap year, February is still a short month; I want to focus on simply establishing methods for improvement this month.

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