Towards the beginning of November, I took a trip to Nashville, Tennessee–where I’m from–and it somehow felt like a final goodbye. Any thoughts I had of returning to Nashville, for the sake of my career, died during this trip. Maybe there’s hope for East Tennessee, where I graduated from college the first time, but I highly doubt it.
When I was going through the torturous experience of flying back to North Carolina in the midst of FAA cuts, “Goodbye’s Been Good to You” by Teddy Swims played. I immediately thought of Nashville and my upbringing in middle Tennessee.
Goodbye, my love, you tore me up
I have a lot of traumatic experiences associated with the city and its surrounding towns, both in my home and in the community. There was the May Flood of 2010, which swept away my younger sister’s preschool. Ten years later, there was the suicide bomb going off next to the AT&T servers; this didn’t get reported nearly as much as it should have, but I digress.
I loved the city when it wasn’t a place for bachelorette parties or influencer sightings. Now, whenever I think of the city, I initially think of pain. Sorrow. Unhappiness. Yes, my family is there, and I love them. To be completely transparent, sometimes that’s not enough to have a joyful reaction about returning to the city.
I heard you found somebody new
Before I abandoned the state, tons of people from California and New York/the New England area started moving there. It quickly became heavy traffic, gentrification, and a culture I knew morphed into one I could no longer recognize. When my uncle started the drive to drop me off at the airport, he said it was good news that traffic was moving 20 mph on THE INTERSTATE. He said most of the time, the traffic is stopped at 6 o’clock in the morning, which is when we started our trek. I never thought Nashville would turn into Los Angeles, in terms of traffic. Why is it like this? Because of the people migrating to a place where they can get bigger homes at cheaper prices.
It quickly became a place where people were shocked that I was from the city because Nashville morphed into a melting pot of people being from literally anywhere else. The locals? Pushed out of an area they’d known their whole lives. Their homes? Torn down to become tiny spaces with not much of a yard and a large price tag.
Looks like goodbye’s been good to you
Though it may seem like this writing is taking on a negative connotation, I am grateful that there is an influx of small businesses, including amazing new restaurants. I love trying the new restaurants and supporting whatever new business has popped up.
The city couldn’t care less that I moved away, so long as it thrives. With all the new business brought by the new people, I would say it’s thriving. However, I think this is the only way in which it thrives.
Good days I’m on, and I can’t move on
Quite as easy as you do
As previously stated, the city couldn’t care less that I moved away. It also felt like no one cared or felt the same “sickness,” for lack of a better word, I felt when I moved.
It definitely hasn’t been easy since landing in North Carolina, but I don’t want to go back to Tennessee. I wish I could transport my fish bowl of good memories from Tennessee and associate them with North Carolina; somehow, I think that would make things easier. Instead, I feel stagnant and anxious about going forward, with whatever I’m doing with my life.
Looks like goodbye’s been good to you
I hope this goodbye is good to me. I’ve reached a different level of survival and learned a lot. As I prep for the next move, the next step in life, I hope I get ready for all the good it will bring me.
At the end of the song, “goodbye” is repeated four times, and I believe they symbolize the four goodbyes I’ve said or will say:
- Murfreesboro, Tennessee
- Raleigh, North Carolina
- My current home that doesn’t feel like home anymore (location to be revealed at a later date)
- The next place. If I’m saying goodbye, it means I’ve found the Love of My Life (#manifestation)
