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Hopes for 24

I can’t believe my first period ended on this day twelve years ago. My uterus has officially been murdering me for a dozen years. Crazy.

Yes, I decided to start this off with that statement.

I started this year off freaking out about turning twenty-four, and I’ve randomly cried about it since. Of course, the tears amplified as we got closer to this day. It’s not that I don’t want to grow up; it’s that I miss the memories and am honestly scared for the new ones.

Still, I think twenty-four is going to be a good year. Here are my hopes for the New Year.

Work Less

Are you tired of me talking about wanting to work one job? Me too, but you won’t have to hear about it anymore! It’s going to happen in year twenty-four.

Of course, when the time comes, I’m going to work incredibly hard at whatever that company is. However, I want to be done working in retail for extra change to cover my Spotify premium bill. I hope to get paid a living wage for a single person, and I want it to be at a place that actually has benefits, more than just a 401k.

Working less, at somewhere great, means living more.

More Solo Spontaneity

“Living more” means hanging out with myself more and having the opportunity to do nothing when I get home from work (or log off, depending on if it’s remote).

Recently, I’ve been going to the movies a lot, more than I have in the past year or so, and I’ve been loving it. Going to watch movies for five dollars on Tuesdays takes me back to a joyous time in college, and even though I’m doing it alone now, it still brings me a crazy amount of joy.

I want to keep feeling that joy when I’m hanging out with myself outside of my home. More self-dates and spontaneous trips motivated by food in year twenty-four; I want to try new foods and really get to know my new environment, which I still haven’t been able to do. This past week, I just found out how amazing the gas station next to my apartment is. The outside looks questionable with a nightmare of a parking lot, but the inside is a hidden gem; I want to keep finding hidden gems beyond the tourist attractions.

Getting out of my home has been good for me, and I hope I have more time to do that.

Finish My Apartment

Though I want to get out of my home more, I do also want to enjoy it and all the trees surrounding it. As much as I already love it, there will be an invisible weight (I put on myself) lifted when it is as close to completely done as possible.

I knew decorating my apartment was going to take some time. Whenever I start to get impatient, the progress of my home reminds me that good things take time. If the economy and getting a new job works in my favor, I hope to be here for more than a year, so I want to take my time with Jamilah-fying this quiet corner.

Fortunately, it feels like I’m in the final stages. For starters, my kitchen just needs some tools, and my living space (both indoor and outdoor) need décor… maybe more books too?

Mental Work

So… I didn’t pick up the Lexapro prescription my doctor called in. In fact, I’m also thinking about cancelling my appointment at the end of the month. Now that I know I’m clinically depressed, I want to figure out my own ways to work through it before I turn to medication.

I truly, truly want to go back to therapy. It was good for me, and I know I will keep seeing noticeable progress in my self-love journey if I release everything bottled in by talking it out with a therapist.

Maybe I’ll even figure out mindfulness activities that center me but aren’t meditation. For some reason, meditation and me don’t get along. Maybe I do beginner yoga again… and stick with it.

Back to the Roots

Speaking of sticking with it, I’ve been feeling very nostalgic recently and wishing I had stuck with soccer. I want to play soccer again, with people who aren’t my cousin or siblings; I don’t want to have to beg to play defense.

I also want to get back to eating salads and eating balanced, different meals every day, like the meals my grandma makes. You think I want my bloodstream to be full of pasta? Absolutely not. Given my current “I don’t make enough money” situation, pasta blood is all I can afford. Sometimes I look at my salad dressing and literally sigh because I miss my spinach with tomatoes, diced boiled egg, and carrots.

A full fridge and pantry? A dream.

Make Money Moves

Since the conversation of money has been introduced (again), I really want to get rid of unnecessary credit card debt, especially with the student loan pause lifting September, October-ish (honestly, all of it confuses me… yikes).

The main money move I want to make is introduce the passion projects I’ve been [slowly] working on.

That’s all I’m going to say on that.

My part-time job has a giant calendar with all the national holidays, and the day of my birth says

Ready for something crazy?

My most played song last year was “i remember” by bbno$. That song is from his album, eat ya veggies. I was excitedly telling someone about this coincidence at my part-time job and asked the semi-deep question, “Does this mean the next year will include more heartbreak, or is it officially the end of The Year of Sadness?”

Of course, I’m hoping for the latter.

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